Mindfulness for Anger: How Repressed Anger Affects Children

High levels of hostility, excessive reactions, mood swings, poor problem-solving skills, and gradually increasing detachment from the world. Does this sound familiar? If so, you may be dealing with a child who has repressed anger.

The problem with repressed anger is that it’s not hidden just from you; it’s also hidden from the child you’re handling. The worse news is that the children don't even even know that their anger is repressed. 

You can tell how this can spiral out of control. Fortunately, you can handle repressed anger using mindfulness, at home, and without any professional intervention.

To do that, you must understand anger and how it becomes repressed over time. So, we’ll focus on that first. 

What Is Anger?

You can find scientific explanations of anger all over the internet. An unpleasant sensation in response to an aggravating stimulus, an overstimulation of your emotions, an erratic response to a stimulant—it’s all there.

However, while we do respect all the scientific stimulations out there, we tend to focus more on what’s practical and relatable. Accordingly, anger can be explained as a temporary loss of emotional control that often leads to unwanted, sometimes dangerous reactions. 

Needless to say, nobody wants to be angry, but our lives are full of countless triggers that have practically made anger a daily companion. 

Still, if you look at it from a subjective perspective, anger is just a feeling, and logically, we should be able to have a good grasp on our feelings. Yet, some of our stupidest decisions come out when we’re angry, which can take a massive toll on our mentalities.

It’s even worse when you stop and wonder what’s going on. You were never this easy to anger, and you always had a better hold of yourself. What changed? The answer lies back all the way to your childhood, so let’s start there. 

What Causes Anger in Children?

Anything that’s annoying or infuriating causes anger in children, and that’s an obvious answer to the question, but that’s not what we meant here. The real question is, why do some children get angrier than others when faced with the same irritating situation?

Plus, it’s not just two different children reacting differently to the same situation; it’s also the same child reacting differently to the same irritating stimulus at different times. That’s when “repressed anger” comes into play. 

Repressed anger isn’t the anger that explodes right away when something annoying happens; instead, it's the anger that gets pushed down, stuffed away, or ignored. 

This kind of anger happens when the child learns, consciously or unconsciously, that expressing anger openly isn't safe, acceptable, or effective in their environment. So, instead of letting it out, they hold it in, often without even realizing they're doing it.

How Does Repressed Anger Affect Children?

Here’s how anger can really change the life of a child:

Impact on Emotional Well-being

When anger is repeatedly pushed down, it doesn't simply vanish; it often transforms. Children who constantly repress their anger may struggle with a pervasive sense of sadness or emptiness, sometimes developing into chronic depression.

They might find it difficult to experience joy, excitement, or passion, as the act of numbing one emotion can inadvertently dull others.

This internal conflict can lead to an underlying current of low mood, even when there's no clear external reason for it. Even if the child tries to express themselves, they don’t manage to do so since they can’t put their hands on what exactly is wrong. 

Behavioral Manifestations

The truth remains that repressed anger rarely stays hidden forever; it finds other, often unhelpful, ways to emerge. You might see it in passive-aggressive behaviors, like procrastination, stubbornness, or subtle acts of defiance that are usually uncalled for. 

Instead of direct confrontation, a child might become withdrawn, prone to sulking, or use sarcasm as a shield. In some cases, the pent-up energy can lead to sudden, seemingly unprovoked outbursts over minor annoyances, leaving both the child and those around them confused by the intensity of the reaction.

Physical Health Consequences

The mind and body are intricately linked, and repressed emotions can take a significant toll on physical health, ultimately leading to illness, according to studies. Holding anger inside creates an internal state of tension, which can manifest in various ways.

Children with repressed anger might experience frequent headaches, stomach aches, chronic fatigue, or even sleep disturbances, even when medical examinations find nothing wrong. 

This isn't just about feeling "stressed"; it's the body's way of signaling that something deeper is amiss, that there's an unresolved emotional burden being carried within. Over time, this constant internal strain can contribute to a range of psychosomatic ailments as well. 

Challenges in Relationships and Self-Perception

Anger is a negative emotion, and when the child’s brain learns that the best way to negate a negative emotion like anger is to suppress it, it tends to do so with every other negative or challenging emotion. 

Because of that, a child who learns to repress anger may also struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

They might become overly people-pleasing, constantly striving to avoid conflict or upset, even at the expense of their own needs and boundaries. This can lead to a fear of asserting themselves or expressing dissenting opinions, believing that their anger will lead to rejection or abandonment, a fear often rooted in early experiences.

It gets worse, unfortunately. Internally, such children may develop a harsh inner critic, blaming themselves excessively and experiencing feelings of guilt and shame, even for emotions they are trying to suppress.

This can contribute to low self-esteem and a confused sense of identity, as they are disconnected from a fundamental part of their emotional self.

If that is left unaddressed, it may go all the way to adulthood, and trust us, the longer it’s left unfixed, the harder it’ll be to address it later on, which is why dealing with it at a young age is always better. 

Mindfulness for Repressed Anger In Children

Let’s establish something first here: the goal isn’t to get rid of anger entirely. That’s simply not possible, nor is it healthy. Instead, mindfulness helps children recognize, understand, and ultimately choose how they respond to this powerful emotion.

The trick is to build some sort of internal toolkit that helps the child handle their feelings instead of being constantly overwhelmed by them, which hopefully can lead to a healthier emotional expression. 

So, how can we do that?

The Present Moment Awareness

The “present moment” is the core principle of mindfulness. It’s about learning how to be fully present in the “now.”

This means helping children with repressed anger tune into what’s happening within their bodies and minds as it happens rather than letting emotions simmer unnoticed or explode without warning. 

However, one isn’t born with a mindfulness button. There are some exercises to help children  (and adults) do that. The exercises themselves aren’t difficult whatsoever, but they do need consistency.

In fact, it’s a little bit of an overestimation to call them exercises, because they’re all about “noticing” things that are already happening. 

These simple exercises include activities like:

• Focusing on their breath
• Noticing the rise and fall of their chest
• Feeling the air entering or exiting through their noses
• Feeling the droplets of water as they shower

These are all feelings that we experience almost daily, but because of countless distractions, our “perception” of these feelings has become more like an autopilot.

When you spend some time every day processing these feelings properly, you gain more control over what you feel and, accordingly, how you react to it. 

Recognizing Physical Sensations

Have you ever caught your eyebrows tensely crossed and wondered how long they have been like that? If not, how about that sigh you let out once you sit down after standing up for so long? 

That’s kind of the same with repressed anger, as it often manifests physically before it’s consciously acknowledged. Mindfulness teaches children to become aware of these subtle body signals. They can learn to notice a clenched jaw, a tight stomach, tense shoulders, or a racing heart.

The best approach to do that is through the “body scan” technique. You sit down, focus individually with each of your limbs, or even muscles, and notice which one of them is tense, and attempt to relax. 

The more your child learns to do this, the more they learn to detect the early physical signs of anger manifesting in their bodies, which leads us to the next step.

Developing Emotional Regulation Skills

At this point, the child has enough skills to detect anger signs that affect them mentally and physically, but what’s next? 

The child must learn to identify each emotion separately to avoid being overwhelmed. Have you noticed how some children’s anger is mixed with tears? These children get an overwhelming sense of negativity that stimulates multiple emotions at once, including sadness and anger, hence the tears. 

When you train the child to identify each emotion they feel, they gradually learn to sort their feelings out.

How to Train Your Child to Do That?

The best time to do that is to let them express themselves freely when they don’t feel well. 

If you get hit with the (I don’t know what’s wrong with me), you can help your child identify their feelings using the method of elimination.

You’d be surprised how you and your child can work together to pinpoint their negative emotions by asking questions like: Are you mad about what happened this morning? Did yesterday’s news bother you? Did one of your friends do something?

Notice their body language, change in the tone of voice, and such. Little by little, they’ll learn to dig into their own emotions and regulate them without your assistance. 

Fostering Self-Compassion

Perhaps one of the most vital aspects of mindfulness for repressed anger is the cultivation of self-compassion. Children who repress their anger often carry an unconscious belief that anger is "bad" or that they are bad for feeling it. The notion that “negative” is always “bad” is even present in most adults, and it’s terrifying. 

Mindfulness encourages a gentle, non-judgmental attitude towards their own emotional experience. It teaches them that it's okay to feel angry, and that expressing it doesn't make them unlovable or unworthy.

However, the point is to express it in a healthy way, not going ballistic. Teach them that it’s totally fine to walk up to even their parents and respectfully say that they are angry about a certain situation. 

If your child opens up to you like that, make sure to contain them and listen. This is when you truly listen. If you put them down or discourage them from doing this again, you’ll be dealing more damage than you’d expect. 

FAQs

What Are Some Common Misconceptions About Anger That Can Lead to Its Repression in Children?

Misconceptions leading to repression often include: believing anger is always "bad" or "negative," that expressing it is disrespectful or a sign of weakness, or that ignoring anger will make it disappear. These beliefs teach children to hide their true feelings.

How Can Parents Differentiate Between a Child’s Temporary Anger Outburst and Signs of Deeper Repressed Anger?

Temporary outbursts are usually direct reactions to immediate triggers, then subside. Repressed anger signs are more persistent: disproportionate reactions to minor issues, chronic sadness, withdrawal, unexplained physical complaints, passive-aggressive behaviors, or difficulty verbalizing emotions.

Are There Specific Age-Appropriate Mindfulness Exercises for Very Young Children (Toddlers/Preschoolers) to Help With Anger?

Yes! Focus on sensory awareness and play. Try "Belly Breathing Buddies" (watching a toy on their rising belly), "Sound Detective" (listening for sounds), or "Mindful Snack Time" (focusing on food's senses). Keep activities short, fun, and integrated into daily routines to build awareness.

Before We Let You Go

Constant and daily applied mindfulness can go a long way, so don’t underestimate the power of mindfulness for anger handling. Don’t let your child grow up without teaching them how to identify and control their emotions.

You don’t even have to allocate exercise times for mindfulness; you can include it seamlessly in most activities and, with a little creativity, your child will even love them. 

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